Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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