you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
