He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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