It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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