I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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