cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
did you just send me my own nude
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
