You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
