is your mom at the bar?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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