hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
