I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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