I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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