he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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