i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
