the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My balls are so social today.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
