FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
