My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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