Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
