the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
where are you?
Hypothermia
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
