Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
