Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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