he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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