meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
