he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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