stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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