please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
