When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
