I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
