One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
