just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
