FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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