Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
