I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
