he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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