just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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