At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
