He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
