This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
