1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
