I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
