Someone shit on the floor
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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