I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
