dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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