spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
