just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Randomize
