I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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