Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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