Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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