I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
