so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
