The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
