You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
