if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
