There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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